Not much has really been going on since the last post. I’ve been doing a lot of the mom thing. And DJ has been calling around and filling out applications and starting the process for his leave of absence at his current job so he can go OTR.
It kinda bugs me because it feels like to me he didn’t try hard enough to get in with Penn’s where he’d be home every night, he just went with the easy and sure thing. And since there was a hiccup yesterday with my healing process I’m annoyed that he’s leaving.
As for that hiccup, the bottom opening of where my Pen-rose drain had been, and the bottom one that had already abscessed and we were packing, had gotten a fluid filled pocket – not yet an abscess but on its way to becoming one if we’d not caught it in time- and need to be cut open to widen the opening and another opening created and a tunnel drain created to allow the fluid to escape to prevent an infection. It’s not only painful, but it’s also humiliating. I wasn’t in pain until after this process yesterday, now I’m in so much physical pain that I can barely stand up strait. Yay for the 90 year old lady shuffle, no?
Regardless, yesterday I began making my toddler safe ornaments (plastic) and was pretty content to just let this fluid go and wait it out, however DJ wasn’t too impressed with this idea, and since he’s leaving wanted to get it taken care of now instead of later. Bless his heart.
I ended up making a white snow man head and it turned out pretty adorable if I do say so myself. I wanted to get the Christmas decorations out today but I doubt that’s gonna happen since DJ went over to the neighbor’s to help with something and is over shooting the shit, and will probably not be home for awhile. He knows that we had plans today, and BLAH. I’m just overly emotional today anyway, because the packing was painful and I cried, and I’m tired of fighting and healing and all this bullshit. I’m tired of having no money, very little hair, and always getting the short end of the stick. I’m just exhausted. Literally physically and emotionally exhausted.
I am so exhausted that I DON’T want to decorate for Christmas this year because I have no idea how we’re giving our kids a Christmas, let alone paying our bills thanks to work hours being so bad. DJ is supposed to be home for Christmas but I’m not holding my breath, in all honesty. And I’m not confident that with him being gone that I won’t end up back in the hospital with another infection because my mother will end up either flaking out or not want to do it, and I’ll end up having to do it myself and I’m not sure I CAN. I hate this. I hate all of this. I hate not being ok, not being confident that everything is gonna work out. I hate that I had to get cut open again. I hate life in general right now. I can’t stand not being able to help out financially with everything, and on top of everything I’m getting sick.
I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and an ear ache.
So yeah TL;DR Life sucks, No money, Pity Train party of one.