So Sunday R, Dj and I went down to the Greyhound station about 32 miles south of where we live to drop DJ off for his orientation Monday in Ohio. DJ had packed the night before, and gotten everything together. I sat on his lap and cuddled with him Sunday morning before his shower and we had John on our laps having some family cuddles as well and I noticed that my cheek was pretty wet, but I wasn’t crying.. yet.
Here I thought all this time that he was so excited to go back over the road, that he missed the life style so much and we’d been fighting so much over finances and such that I thought he wanted to.. but he didn’t. He was crying, literally falling apart because he didn’t want to leave me or the boys.
Well he got into the shower and went upstairs to get dressed and he was up there for awhile and I was down stairs with the Jason, John was upstairs with Daddy and I finally went up to see what was taking so long because it was getting close to time to go and here he was finding every excuse not to get on that bus, texting everyone he could think of for work ideas that were local and not over the road. While he was doing this he was crying, he didn’t want to go.
I kept telling him that it was only temporary and that this was a necessary evil right now but that I loved him very much and that I wasn’t going anywhere and that seeing him so emotional oddly made me feel better about losing him to the road, and the life style because I knew he didn’t want to go.
After I kissed him goodbye I went back home with R and had dinner and came home to put the kids to bed and got packed. By packed I mean, we still have to pack bandages into the drain sites of the penrose drain and the newly formed drain of the recently lanced fluid pocket site, walked the dog and went to bed.
I haven’t cried much at all, however the nightmares have been terrible. The first night Jason slept with me because he didn’t know what was going on and last night I got the bed all to myself which was nice, but at the same time was lonely. But the boys are handling things alright and so am I. We talk to DJ daily and we tell him we love him all the time. So until local work picks up this is life, this is the way things will be. I’m not pleased with it, but we will survive.